So, like, a lot of parents, including me, totally make a second mistake about porn. They don’t really get what these videos are all about. You know, they think it’s just like softcore stuff, like Playboy centerfolds or whatever,” Flood says. But, like, porn these days is all about “men being total jerks to women.”
Sometimes it’s all about, like, being mean with words, using, like, mean and disrespectful language. Other times it’s like, physical violence, like, choking, slapping, and stuff,” Flood says. And, like, a bunch of times, these videos show women being totally into this cruelty, no matter how violent or degrading it is. “That’s, like, not cool for our 8-year-olds or 12-year-olds,” he adds.
This, like, sexist and violent content is, like, super common, Flood says. In a big study from the U.K., researchers checked out 50 of the most popular porn videos. And, like, 90% of them showed serious violence or aggression, mostly towards women, the researchers reported in the journal Violence Against Women. In another study, researchers looked at over 4,000 scenes from two major porn sites. And, like, about 40% of them had some kind of physical aggression. “Spanking, gagging, slapping, hair pulling, and choking were the top five most common forms of physical aggression,” the researchers said in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Experts are starting to figure out how exposure to this kind of stuff can mess with kids’ health and development, says social scientist Brian Willoughby at Brigham Young University. It can mess up their understanding of consent and the importance of respect in relationships.
“The gender stuff in these videos creates, like, really messed up expectations when it comes to intimacy and relationships,” Willoughby says.
Studies also show that seeing this stuff early on makes it more likely that kids will have issues with porn later in life. For young kids, explicit content can be, like, super upsetting, shocking, and jarring. “They don’t really understand sex in general that well,” Willoughby says. So, like, they have a hard time figuring out what they’re seeing or dealing with the emotions and physical reactions it causes.
For some kids, seeing this content can even be traumatic, says Megan Maas at Michigan State University. In one study, a guy talked about Googling “blowjob” in sixth grade. “He came across facial abuse porn, where women are gagging on stuff,” Maas explains. “The women are usually crying, with mascara running down their faces.”
This stuff, like, made him feel really sick. “It, like, totally turned him off sexually,” Maas says. “The whole thing freaked him out and really messed him up.”
So, like, what can parents do? In the last couple of years, 21 states have passed laws that make porn sites check a user’s age. But, like, all the experts in this article say parents need to set up protections at home.
Here are three things to do:
1. Block content with your router.
Your router is, like, a super important tool for keeping kids away from porn. You can, like, block any website you want from going through the door to your WiFi. You can, like, log into your router through a browser and block sites. Some routers have parental controls, some don’t.
2. Add filters to cell phones and tablets, then, like, keep an eye on things.
Your router won’t stop everything. It doesn’t work on devices that use cell data. This is why some experts say kids shouldn’t get smartphones until, like, eighth grade or later. And, like, porn isn’t just on porn sites. It’s on social media and games aimed at kids.
3. Teach kids what to do when they see upsetting stuff.
Kids should know what to do when they come across scary or gross stuff online. Tell them to put it down and tell an adult. Then, like, practice it with them to make sure they’re comfortable talking to you about it.
So, like, it’s super important for parents to take steps to protect kids from harmful content online. Like, it’s not that hard, and it could make a huge difference in how kids grow up.
